the mental mum blog.

By: Ellie Rayner.

Have you recently been sittingon your phone or tablet at night watching videos of ‘that girls’ with their peaceful morning coffe, their productive weekend, and their beautiful and pristine all beige and White House?

The put together outfit. The hour long skin care. The three hour long shower with all of the body washes, creams, butters and scrubs. The hair oils, the hair masks, the overnight heartless curls.

The “it girls’ who have time to themselves. Who have time for self care and to build their careers.

I can happily confirm that if you are one of these amazing women who i class as an ‘it girl’, then this blog is definitely… NOT for you. No, this blog is for the women lying in bed with two toddlers draped across then with their hair in an horrific bun and last years Christmas pyjamas on. The women who are watching these videos wondering how it is even possible to have their life that put together. For the mums who are never going to have an all White House. The mums who can only have a 2 minute shower and not even wash your hair. The mum who is NEVER going to have that peaceful morning coffee. The mums who know that even the thought of a full productive weekend is sometimes laughable. But it is also for the astonishing women who are mums and an ‘it gir’while I am so envious that i could punch you in the face, you are also forever welcome here.

This blog is for us mums - we will unite, and we can do this!

contact me

Please contact this page if there are any topics of parenting or motherhood that you would like me to discuss. Any points that you would like to see shared and spoken on. Even if it is just something like your morning school run, or how much of a nightmare your kid has been today. All ideas are welcome. :)

thementalmumblog@icloud.com

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After having my third miscarriage within a year, mentally I was pretty stumped. I was getting on with it, trying to look for the silver lining (if there is such a thing with something so devastating). I had two beautiful children right here with me who needed me. I couldn’t shut down or be sad, so after having a few hours of an emotional breakdown, I picked myself up. As a mum and a woman, we don’t have the luxury to take some time to ourselves. So much is expected of us. Even though I had a miscarriage that night I still had to get up, I had nappies to change and bottles to make. I had a nursery run and smiles to return. So on the surface I was better. Subconsciously though, I wasn’t doing so well. Just because you’re smiling and you look okay, doesn’t always mean you are.

My state of mind was showing in other things. My eating - I was either barely eating or eating all of the wrong foods. It was making me so sluggish and unmotivated, despite having just signed up back to the gym and playing football twice a week. Mentally, I was hard on myself. I couldn’t get over the anger that my body had failed me yet again. The biggest problem I’ve had over the last few weeks where my mental state is literally shining through at me, was how I wasn’t getting on top of my cleaning. My car was a state, even more so than usual. I was letting my flat get messy and it didn’t seem how many times I tidied it, with two toddlers I just wasn’t getting anywhere. In the end I was so tired and fed up that I started going to my mum's house where I could have a bit more space and somewhere that was tidy. Something so minor as the house work and I just couldn’t do it. I was letting my kids eat in my bed and they were getting food everywhere. I just literally could not bring myself to care or to fully tidy it. I ran away from my own home because I just couldn’t do it.

In the end, I had to ring my mum and tell her what was going on. So that evening she actually came over and helped me tidy everything. She bleached, hoovered, sweeped, binned. I cleaned my entire car out, I wiped and disinfected, I hoovered, washed. Even something like that made me feel so grateful and so much better. It was like I’d been held under water for a while and was let up to take a breath. Now I just need to stay on top of it. No more eating in bed, no more leaving things ‘until later’ even though later never actually arrives.

The gist of this isn’t to say ‘tidy house, tidy mind’ or some other health help nonsense. It’s to say that sometimes it’s okay if you let things go. It’s ok to ask for help. It’s ok if you aren’t always at your best. As long as you get back up.